This is an important warning about something that may not pertain to you. Have you ever seen a position where you were in that you were approached by people asking questions about the type of morning cereal product you eat? They will ask why you eat that product and why not try another that benefits them through salary structures involving bonuses paid out at the end of the year in a lump sum arrangement. These people are doing market research. They are former communist party members. Their aims are suspicious as are mine.

Once again as happens every summer I am at a picnic with friends and associates. This time I had a suspicious in nature event. I was eating a large slice of watermelon and taking no care in the eating process. I had water, melon and air falling onto my shirt in a steady downpour as I ate. At this time a friend had realized he wanted to introduce me to a single woman who was not at all put off by the fact that I am a middle aged man of mixed races raised in post-war Germany. However, she might have needed a second wind in her approach to the conversation when she saw what an absolute hog I was making of myself in my carefree watermelon eating. Seeds were everywhere and I was wearing soleless shoes so I slipped on them a countless number of times leading to many pratfalls and near-pratfalls. She declined my invitation to dinner due completely to my eating habits and pratfall percentage. Matt said he would be dyed and tied before he tried setting me up with another woman. It was a strange expression to use in conversation, but I questioned whether he expected me to have sex with these women or just buy them dinner and flowers. I don't think it is right to have sex containing but not limited to intercourse with people who are emotionally involved with friends. I learned this lesson after an incident with my friend Dale's wife where I playfully pulled up the back of her skirt and slapped her buttocks softly in a whimsical fashion. My playful attitude was seen as something Dale called "going over the line."

One date I was on a couple of years ago involved her meeting me at an ATM machine that dispenses cash. Once there, she asked me to make a hundred dollar withdrawal. She took the cash from me, got into her car and left. No more was heard of her. This may have been a scam but I think it was just a misunderstanding.

Seafood is a popular first date fiasco here in Baltimore where I live but know nothing about the culture or slang. Where I come from in post-war Germany, when someone calls you "Hon," you should immediately try to put your tongue in their mouth in a french kiss style. I made mistakes for some time in Baltimore because of this. Many of the cases were dropped out of court.

My closest friends include Dale, his wife, two lesbians and a man who is funny in some way but I just don't see it most of the time. The two lesbians sometimes encourage me against my will to pursue a homosexual experience. I am not sure why. I don't understand why two women who like just women for romance and whoopie are so interested in men having clumsy bedroom relations. They may have brought this up mostly because of the story I told them about what happened with the car mechanic when I didn't have enough cash to pay the bill for the repair.

Sometimes I will spend hours pouring over the sunday newspaper. I spend considerably less time pouring sugar into my coffee or tea. This sometimes bothers me because one activity I enjoy more than the other so that one should be shortened to keep me honest in life. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

I find athletic women to be very arousing. They seem to be in pretty good shape back and front and they like to sweat and grunt. Can you imagine what it would be like for two good looking youngsters to get it on sexually within the limits of their relationship right after a long jog? I often think about that and would ask a nature film company about it if I thought they could help me. Arrest could be imminent in today's climate if suspicions are aroused. Two different kinds of arousal were discussed in this paragraph.

I was ripped off at the movie theatre attempting to see communist fare. A young man gave me a ticket while another swiped my car keys and took my LeBaron, a Chrysler product, for a joy ride around town. I decided not to press charges due to the hassle. I blame drugs. I would have liked to try to settle out of court with the youths involved but they walked away without making an offer. If I involve a lawyer it will get interesting.

A wily Mexican was selling suspicious burritos from an unregistered stand in the downtown area the other day. Others avoided him like the plague but I was drawn to the aroma. I had several burritos and a very greasy taco. Later I got violently ill. I tried to find the wily Mexican to settle out of court but he was long gone. That is why I refer to him as wily.

I have not been out on a date recently that didn't involve theft of goods or services from me. Several times money was exchanged without a follow through. The modern dating scene is very difficult. Some of the ladies that are dangling out there looking for a man are somewhat deranged. I believe that one of them may have eaten my hamster's babies while making an ill-advised visit to my home. This was a shortcoming of hers I could not get past. It might not even have been her but she was in denial of this and other matters.

We need to act more like men in this country. I am not sure why there are no scrap metal drives going on right now to aid the military build up. This was one of the things I remember from World War II. It is strange that people forget the necessity of drives. I have also noticed that sugar rationing has not started or with other products. There will be shortages soon don't say I didn't warn you. The girly man issue has been raised by the foreigner who is governor of California.

I don't know how many of you are disgusted. I have been to the homes of close friends for social gatherings where a spread of cheese and crackers is put out. Often I find that the crackers seem wet in nature, yet while everyone is looking at you select the wet cracker it becomes impossible not to eat it due to being judged by their eyes. This may be a watershed issue so it may be inappropriate to discuss it openly.

Another concern of mine is today's youth. They started with inhaling aerosol cans and now they are using pickling spices to get a high. This is of grave concern, as pickling is not something to be taken lightly. These youths are a growing number who mix the pickling spices together to create an envigorating odor and then jitterbug around it.

A good way to solve the wet crackers problem is to only eat crackers at home. At home you can supervise your crackers and maintain their dryness at all times. Just a bit of good advice you can use.

I hope you are enjoying your lives with the help of words on a computer.