I am a small man trapped in a large man's body.
I'm sure there are other tall men out there who can sympathise
with me here. I've always been a tall person, I've always been physically strong
, but I don't think I've ever felt tall
. My personality
has never really suited my body.
That was going to be the start of a node
I was going to write, until I realised it was going to suck
if I kept going at it the way I was. It annoys me that I can't write the way I'd like to, as well as I think I should be able to. Whenever I try to write a node on here, I start to ramble
, to go off on tangent
s, and never seem to be able to write a concise
, self sufficient piece of work. Which is why I daylog
I was going to write the above node because, well, I often don't like my body, my shape, my physical
presence. I can look in the mirror
sometimes, and not recognise myself in that person that's staring back at me. When I don't think about what I look like, I can be myself, and be comfortable
, but if I'm doing something and start thinking 'What do I look like right now?', I am immediately put off
by the thought.
I don't think I'm ugly
. I just don't look the way I want to look. I'm a lot smaller inside than outside, both mental
ly and emotional
ly. If this were the Matrix
, my residual self image
would be a lot shorter than I really am.
, I'm goofy
, I look stupid when I try to be comfortable with my body and just let myself go. I feel like I should be more graceful
, more certain of where my body is and what it's doing. Sometimes I can be, but it takes a lot of effort.
But, whatever. I get like this sometimes. There are times when I am
happy with my body and the way I look, and when I finally get off my ass
and lose some weight
, those times will probably be more frequent. Meh.
has finished her course, which just rules, she's feeling extremely good about it, as you would expect.
Damn I'm tired, I can't concentrate properly.
It was Melbourne Cup
Day yesterday, a public holiday
, so I had the day off work... Anna and I were burning CDs at her place all day, music
CDs for her 21st
. I would've preferred to stay in bed all day, but this had to be done, so we didn't even really get to sleep in much, unfortunately. We haven't been able to have a good sleep in morning in ages, because her parents won't let her drive her dad's car when it's dark, and she works late both Friday
Hehe, I hope Anna gets over her E2 addiction
soon... if you're reading, do us both a favour and upvote her Scratch My Back
node, it's her only negative reputation
node, and she's obsessing
over it. *grin*
Ah well, work. Bah.
makes me want to contribute, but as I go down the list I realise I don't have the ability to articulate what I feel about most things on the list, and I don't have the time or motivation to research the facts of the others. It's a shame, this site could become a great resource, and it'd be nice to be able to contribute something other than daylogs.
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