(13 November 1999, Chowderhouse. Santa Cruz, California.)
I got this pen from someone at a bookstore. With it came several chiding remarks about Longs Drugs and just going there in the future. Short conversation about anime then ensued, probably in large part to due with the fact that I look like Batou. Perhaps I ought to find Masamune Shirow and say something about all of this to him. Uncomfortable when you go out in public looking like someone from Ghost in the Shell.

"Nothing else to do today, 'cept worry about Y2k." -Amazon.com commercial
(15 November 1999, Starbucks. 5th and Washington San Diego, California.)
What is god? I talked with Paul at length about this topic the other night. Here's the deal. At a certain level, mainly the point at where quantum mechanics comes into play the universe becomes somewhat inexplicably random. That is it functions on an entirely new set of rules. Strange forces, strong and weak attractions on a laundry list of bizarre actions bind the matter that makes up the universe. Like with Shrodinger's cat, (and the subsequent litter of kittens the advent of quantum mechanics brought about,) we can infer that these forces are at work, but we have no other solid evidence of the cat other than outside observation. I.e. we can infer the cat exists and even assign the unknown quantity a name, map out a multitude of it's behaviors via this veiled observation but we are still no closer to knowing what the cat looks like. I suppose that there could be Persian cats in some boxes and Tabbies in others, however this is something of a feline tangent and not of any real use. Back to the point at hand.

Einstein said, "God does not play dice." Richard Feynman contradicted and reversed this statement with, "not only does God play dice, he often throws them where they cannot be seen." I think that I am going to have to agree with Feynman in a large way. Therefore since the universe is simultaneously both chaotic and random almost to a failing and at the same time strictly governed by definable rules (which I believe we are just now starting to grasp the very edge.) Furthermore, science cannot provide the critical answers to what was going on before time started this brings up the almost certain possibility of God existing. Now to what degree is this 'entity' a benevolent or even recognizable phenomenon? How does God manifest itself and is it not so much as an entity but as a force we have yet to define? Is it entirely possible that 'God' is simply a word used to express such an all-pervasive and entangling force that there simply is no other word for the concept in human vocabulary? On must also acknowledge the idea that God (in whatever form,) may be completely ignorant of the existence of humanity and all of out pithy blasé-blasé ramblings, random thoughts and general malarkey. Supposing that God is an all encompassing form of energy at the gluon/quark/quantum level that binds the universe together a la 'Star Wars' and 'The Force?' (Methinks I need to cut back a touch on the science fiction, verily so.) This goes back to the whole issue of God v. God being not so much a an entity as something that perhaps is such an integral part of the universe that we as a species are just not coming to grips with. What if God is simply that, a neutral and non-invasive force that is the universe but at the same time may not be conscious of that fact? If the universe is a living and sentient being how do we make enough noise to get its attention in any recognizable aspect? What if the past miracles, burning bits of shrub, lights from the sky, immaculate conceptions and other supernatural ya-ya horseshit that went on two thousand years ago actually the actions of this universal entity helping us along here and there? Certainly an obnoxiously species-centric question to ask, however it is something that I feel to be very valid.

This then leads the rationalist in me to ask where we ought to start looking for God. Given that it is possible that God is a quantum force of some kind, it would follow that all of us are God to a certain degree. This would validate the bit in the bible about humanity being created in 'God's image' is then correct to a certain extent. For clarification purposes I would like to point out right now that I am not God. There may be a force at work or just random neurons causing this but I am most certainly not God, just a small part of an incalculably larger whole. Since the internet is (small 'i' here again,) basically a broadband snapshot of a very large portion of humanity would it follow that the face (for lack of a better word,) of God could be found in the overall shape of the net and all of the code. A somewhat nonsensical idea, but again valid in the same respect that it makes sense to me. What I believe God to be not anyone else is going to buy into, obviously the reverse of this is also true. As is the converse, the inverse, and the universe. Ha. A perception of what God is; this is the entire basis of a religion. Either a collective or commonly accepted notion held by the community is the basis upon which common religious hierarchies are built. In the vast majority believes doorstops are God, then doorstops are worshipped and revered. Obviously this is a local majority since humanity finds it impossible to believe in one thing or another simultaneously unless someone comes along with a gun. Is violence then the ultimate end of any given religion? Possible since every time humanity has gone to war religion has been at the front in one form or another from the beginning. Humanity and society in general have been very good about making sure that the troops know that God is smiling benignly on them. That and the atrocities that they are about to commit are really quite all right; god forgives you for smashing that man's head in and making a terrible mess. Just clean that rifle, soldier.

Yeah, shut the hell up and plug your own shit again you egotist. Phase Maintenance