Ah the sweet feeling of a vapid Success. Or something, that line just came to me, and I thought it sounded good.

I just turned 18, and like all birthdays, don't really feel much different. The extent I've used my new priviliges so far has been to walk into the porno sections of two used book stores, to look for about two or three minutes and then go on to whatever else I was doing. I've even thought of just buying some cigarettes or pipe tobacco or something, just because I can, is that sad or what? The main thing I find sad is this strange overwhelming desire to do anything, and I mean most anything to assert the fact that I'm 18, and I don't even know what that could be? Is it looking at disgusting porn? I certainly hope not.

Anyways, other than that, I'm feeling good, however a bit exhausted, mainly from being too active, too late at night. I recorded something like 6 songs on Monday night, and I'm still recovering in some way from that. Now I feel better though, and I'm very interested in getting into nature magic, which is a place I feel very comfertable in. However, at the same time I'm finding very gothic things exciting (think "The Vampire in Europe" by Montague Summers and Edgar Allan Poe, and Satanic things), so I'm sort of in many places at the same time. Which, I suppose is aparently the place for me, as I'm always there, doing many things, and trying to throw myself into each of them with the same ferver.

Now that I'm feeling that stupid desire to say "look I'm 18, and now I can do whatever sad thing I want to" is getting out of my system, I hope I feel even better.