Our world, lost
words flow like water, brown murky liquid over my tongue; “never talk to me again.”
, rather shouted
, at her. She looked at me like I was alien
, a distant glare
that cut right through me. Sometimes I think I’m like that look she gave me, full of sorrow
, full of angst
. But I’m not really. Inside me lurks something blacker but unclouded, diluted against such petty emotions.
And still, it gets harder and harder to justify myself.
I stare in to the mirror. My face
, blank and uncaring, stares right back.
That morning, I had to wonder if it was a soul that lay behind my eyes. I didn’t feel human.
Whispers fly around me, glances of guilt as I turn and sight my perusers in the halls.
The first girl, blushes at my knife-edged response.
“Yes, we are finished.”
It is everyone’s business for some reason. They seem to know more than I do.
“No, she cheated on me.”
Now there are more of them. I see red.
“No, I don’t feel the obligation to apologise.”
What a thought.
“Yes, I meant what I said.”
They stare at me like I’ve said something wrong.
“Tell her from me she needs her head checked.”
I sit there for ninety minutes, somehow taking in the distant voice that I assumed was talking to me the entire time.
“Cruel, cruel guy. You're just cruel to her.”
I look up, nobody is talking to me; a thousand eyes echo the same thing. I still feel the spotlight burning me, the limelight for once not a cherished thing
is the colour of her hair, which is something I’ve always overlooked as mere trick of the light. The red tinge flashes brilliantly when challenged by the sun and always served as a reminder of what we had, as she tinkered with the destruction of everything I once believed. Because that’s what she really was for me, a destroyer. She gave little life to me near our climatic finish, and now at the denouement
I want her to sink away from me like a rock in the deep ocean, forever borne to the depths.
I would not care if I had to forget she ever existed, her exit would please me more than breathing right now. I’ve spent a nuance
of my life pining over my losses with her, which were frequent and often without justification.
Still she walks the world, ever searching for an answer I can’t give her.