I love ramen noodles. They’re my culinary guilty pleasure (or one of several, actually). My favorite (readily available) brand of ramen is Cup Noodles. The broth is just the right strength, the noodles don’t turn out crispy in the center, and the shrimp flavor has ACTUAL LITTLE SHRIMPS! This makes me unreasonably happy. However, I do have one problem with Cup Noodles: their slogan. Perhaps recognizing how disturbing it is, they don’t really place it front and center. But there it is, right under the huge “CUP NOODLES” letters on the cup. In little capital letters. Yes, that’s right, Cup Noodles is MUCH MORE THAN A SOUP.

WHAT?! All I want is soup, thank you very much! If it’s MUCH MORE THAN A SOUP, what ill-defined additions am I getting into the bargain? I'd be much happier with "CUP NOODLES: SIMPLY A SOUP". The slogan, as it is now, is much too open-ended. It makes the opening of each cup, which ought to be a comforting and predictable experience, into a suspense-filled and unwelcome adventure. Nothing odd has happened yet, but of course this makes it even more statistically probable that my next Cup Noodles will, indeed, be MUCH MORE THAN A SOUP.“What could this one be?” I wonder. “Perhaps this cup, being MUCH MORE THAN A SOUP, is soup with XP mixed in!” I muse. Another day: “Perhaps this one is soup, with the addition of enemy-crushing strength!" But of course, the rub is that the unknown element might be a bit less welcome: “This one might be soup, with free Eldritch Abominations!” I’m sure that would qualify as MUCH MORE THAN A SOUP.

But none of these foreboding possibilities is enough to make me stop eating Cup Noodles. I’m probably one of their best customers. I haven’t boycotted them on account of their fearsome catchphrase, and conversely, I haven’t pressed charges under the assumption that MUCH MORE THAN A SOUP is false advertising. Still, I do wish they’d change their slogan.