Every once in a while, Madison Avenue goes a bit batty. Or perhaps their clients' marketing departments go nuts. In any case, the visual and cultural symptom of this capitalist brainfart is the deluging of the marketplace with versions of popular products that completely miss the point of the original. I have no idea why these ideas get approved, time after time. Some may have nefarious origins (see New Coke) but most are just loony (see Twinkies Lite).

Note that merely being an oxymoron doesn't qualify something for this category. Military Intelligence's actual existence may be debated, but in theory it's a good idea (in either its intended or oxymoronic variants).

Without further ado, here are some of my favorites.

...Sometimes I just wish I could turn off some of my brain. Then I feel I'd be right at home in some sense.