Columnists for The Onion

The satirical newspaper The Onion's columnists are intended to parody their counterparts in more, um, serious media, as well as various "types" one tends to encounter.

They are:

The columns appear in a complicated pattern, and not necessarily in a fixed order. Jean Teasdale and Jackie Harvey may be the least frequent; Jim Anchower appears to be among the most. That may be my perception, since I don't particularly like Jim Anchower.