UGH!
I am so really
fucking pissed-off since yesterday. Nothing seems to be going right! And now, after reading some of the day-logs here, they all just remind me of the bad things that have happened.
I know it was a couple of years ago, but I still cannot get over how irresponsible she is. She had lost my bike - Miyata Hybrid, one of the first of its kind, the first ever bike I bought with my own money ($500.00 in 1990). It was because she couldn't care more about locking it up. She just left it there on the side of the house. And of course, any poor university student would tend to grab for anything not fixed to the ground. One time, my Cannondale Super-V almost gotten stolen if it wasn't for the fact that the Kryptonite lock was unbreakable. I found it on the ground with the large bike rack moved.
Other acts of irresponsibility included the obvious recent situation. And still others through the course of the relationship:
- throwing my own watch (the one my dad bought for me as a graduation present from Hong Kong) at me and damaging the band;
- driving my Chevy Blazer and scraping the alloy wheel against a concrete barrier;
- pushing over my $3500 Italian road bike and making a dent in the top tube;
- not engaging the parking brake on my Ford Focus and almost having it roll into a ditch...
...and the list goes on.
The way I see it, even though I regard things highly, though not as high a priority as people, she should have at least respected my views and not disregard them and damage my property! My rationale is that if she actually cared enough about me, she would have taken care of the things I worked so hard for to obtain as if they were her own. But then again, she doesn't take care of her own things all that well either.
Yes, it sounds really petty, doesn't it? But nonetheless, it really pisses me off when there is no respect!
And look what I've become! I'm the most bitter person in the world! Look what she's done to me! My daylog has turned into a rant log! Please go ahead and downvote away, because I am really, really, really, really, really, pissed-off at everything!
Okay, so I realize, I'm not an
angel either. Shall I blame it on myself then, or use her as an excuse? Who's really at fault here when
she drives me crazy with the things she do? How the
fuck am I suppose to be
not crazy? If the reaction is so predictable, and there's no way to change it, am I still responsible for my own reaction or should she be the one to alter her behaviour so that the predictable reaction does not occur?
I've realized that I've already put in my effort to alter my reactions. She didn't even attempt to alter hers. And when a person like that doesn't even try to change, then perhaps, yes, it is over. It's just too bad that she wasn't mature enough to discuss alternatives to breaking up a relationship.
Geez. I never even got to why I am so
fucking pissed-off! Well, it all started when I woke up. I got out of the
wrong side of the bed. My clock radio was playing crap as always - I hate the new show now that it replaced the
Humble and Fred show. Dean Blundell
sucks! Having to wake up when I didn't even get much sleep was the main culprit. I was grumpy all day despite repressing most of the feelings during lunch-time with the guys.
I was even so fucking pissed at the possibility of having to go to court for a fucking traffic violation in dumb fucking Quebec. Sometimes I really think those fucking highway patrol officers are racist. I am also fucking pissed at the fact the Stefanie has my $3700 worth of money I lent her and that she owes me. I still need to decide if I need to take her to small claims court. Shall I continue the headaches and go through with it, or be Zen-like and quickly "pass-through" the situation by letting it go? I'm starting to think the former, but already, the anxiety is doing things to my digestive system.
Time to call my lawyer.
I almost forgot to mention...
She called me again last night. This time at my house. I said my "YHELLO?" in the phone, but there was no answer. I then hung up on her. This is starting to get really
annoying! But hmmm..pretty cool - I'm being stalked by my ex-gf!