I find myself in today is no different than any other. Last night, my roomate
brought home a truckload of folks from the local bar
around 2:45AM. Everyone arrived speaking at bar volume which instantly woke me up. The only reason I didn't raise hell stood 5'3 and smelled wonderful. An old friend, Katy, came in with the drunken slackjaws. Knock on door. As she wandered over to my bed, she softly called my name. She drank a lot, I could tell from the three kiss
es that started at my shoulder and ended on my lips. "Night, night.....," Gone.
Usually, a gum drop kiss from a beautiful woman followed by, "night night" puts me out. No
The kiss ignited my brain. The insomnia switch now read on. The mental anguish starts slowly, but I know the pace will pick up. Sheep. Love. Fried Chicken. Hell No. When my thoughts start taking a physical form I worry. Like a quarter stuffed animal game at Denny's. I weak, stainless steel claw bypassed my skull and reached directly for my brain. Katy's Body. My Debt. The grey matter gave to the push of the cold, harsh thoughts that now cut through my mind like piano wire. The pain helps sometimes, but tonight it hurt. Single Again. Like a septum destroyed from a cocaine binge, I knew it would take time to heal. 3:35. 4:15. Work in 4.25 hours. Work. New Job. Austin Job Market. 4:55. I don't remember anything else. For the amount of anxiety a bedtime thinking binge puts me through, I deserve more knowledge and recollection.
Now I sit in a lab, not knowing if blood or oil runs through my veins anymore. As months have been going by, I feel as if my joints have tranformed into metal hinges. My mind runs on auto-pilot for 80% of the day. I could sleep with Xanex or Blue V's, but then I only get 10% of myself a day. At least the shit I feel destroys me somewhat defines me.