My action figure Jesus with glide motion has a technicolor dream coat

Of all the things I was given for Christmas, none is as precious to me as the companionship of my friends, especially Christa. She brings joy into my life in numerous evil ridden ways.

She laughs at me when I cringe in fear from her 27 pound demon named Nemo, who has chased me across her apartment and up onto a Futon with his razor sharp claws and meniacal hissing/growls.

She laughs at me when I'm in horrible pain from a cramp in my foot, then pokes the walnut sized lump on the side of my foot with her pointy index finger.

She laughs when I open my mouth and things like "Iiiiiiiiii'm a looker" or "She's a multicreamer" pop out with innocent intentions but our dirty minds automatically take us to the dark side.

She takes my Archie Mcphee purchase of an action figure Jesus and makes him a technicolor dream coat out of reversable wrapping paper.

She tells me I'm not a bad person, that I shouldn't waste my time on people who don't return my phone calls and emails. She tells me that she'll never like these people because they've hurt me too much, but she'll be nice to them if I decide to remain their friends.

She tells me that somewhere out there is a guy for me, not to despair cus I'll find him..or stumble across twenty almosts until I do.

She invites me to her family events so much her mother calls me her "other daughter" and her grandmother welcomes me with open arms as soon as she sees me.

She's the best friend I've ever had. And one day I'm going to get around to making up the t-shirt that we keep joking about. The one that will point out how close we really are to will simply say in big bold type that they will easily be able to read: SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!