Poets Drink Wine

And eat grapes. And eat cheese. For the most part, these three things are piled precariously onto a tiny plastic plate at receptions after stuffy readings where the Famous Poet (the one you can only hope to be like, but can never hope to be) reads his poems in a lilting voice that makes each line sound like a question.

So the proper poet handles the post reading reception like this: the plate (covered in cheese and grapes, remember) is in the left hand, the clear plastic wine cup is held in the right. However, this leaves no hands free for eating said cheese and grapes. What is a starving artist to do?

There's a balancing act that needs to be performed here, a juggling where the plate may be balanced on top of the wine cup for brief moments, giving a free hand for nibbling at the cheese. Then there’s the matter of the napkin, which can be clutched in the palm of either hand. All this needs to be performed inconspicuously, as you namedrop the names of your poetry professors or the poets you saw read last month.

The important thing to remember throughout this ordeal is that your goal is to get as drunk as possible on free wine, and get your protein requirements from the free cheese, all the while appearing both aloof and interested in the conversation around you. Good luck!