In case you live in a cave, you've undoubtedly heard of the most shocking thing to occur in Super Bowl XXXVIII - There was a 41 yard field goal that cinched the win for the Patriots.

Okay, that wasn't all that shocking. Actually, that was déjà vu all over again.

What was "shocking," "horrific," "mortifying," and "more deplorable than Colorizing Black and White Film" was when Justin Timberlake, during the much revered Half-Time Super-Pop Extravanganza, proceeded to tear open the chest-area of Janet Jackson's black dominatrix outfit to allow her chocolate-milky mammary to burst out into the open, in front of millions of viewers worldwide.

Though it appeared on screen for less than the amount of time it takes for the average male to fart, its combined replay time afterward on TiVo's and news shows afterward likely exceeded Bobby Fischer's turn time in move 64 against Boris Spassky.

And so it was no surpise that instead of the War in Iraq, or suicide bombings in Moscow, or even abductions of teenagers in Sarasota, all anyone could talk about was 1 second of partially-exposed teatillage.

I kept my maw dutifully shut until Wednesday evening.

Browsing through the liberal trash mag known as the Metro Times, I stumbled upon an editorial by a supposed liberal that made me think I'd picked up the latest copy of the Fox News Conservative Radical Christian Bulletin. After this is noded, the letter shall be fired off to their editors, who I imagine are not used to being attacked from the left by a guy who voted for Bush in 2000. You can read the entirety of the column here -

I was driven, nay, compelled to speak my mind at this point. All letters to the editor are required to be under 200 words, so apologies for the brevity. I'm sure someone will come along and address the events in full.

Metro Times Editorial Staff:

On this day in history, while closet prudes like Jeremy Voas collectively gasped at the horrors of the "wardrobe malfunction" that resulted in a Star-Spangled-Breast being displayed on prime time television, the rest of the world collectively yawned, "So frakking what?"

It's high time we joined the rest of the enlightened and say the following four phrases, repeating them until we've erased all notions reminiscent of a time in history worth studying if only to prevent repeating.

  1. The human body is not inherently obscene.
  2. Nudity is not something our children need to be shielded from.
  3. Even if we believe the naked human form is an abomination our children should be spared from seeing, it is not the media's job to ensure their entertainment complies with our personal morality.
  4. Hiding something from my children will only ensure they won't have the slightest idea how to react to it when they inevitably encounter it in their adventures in the real world, almost ensuring catastrophic failure.
It's time we ditched our utterly anachronistic censorship of one of the most natural and healthy facets of the human experience. As seemingly the last Western nation to shed the sexual mores of our repressed ancestors, it really is time for us to do a little growing up of our own.