I was reading an article in TGQ earlier about nostalgia. It used the old tale of the scorpion and the squirrel trying to cross some water as a metaphor for nostalgia. It said that even when we make it across the water, not falling to drug abuse, sadness, or madness, we will find more dangers on the other shore. I wondered what they are, because I know I haven't gotten that far, yet. I've lived for a while imagining that I'm already too old, that life is passing me by at breakneck speed, and that it's too late for so many things. This doesn't spur me on to accomplish more; rather, it tends to sap my strength to do what I usually would. (If my life has been empty so far, I can't know that living on will make a difference.) Other times, when my spirit has more fire, I want to leave behind some kind of legacy. Not a legacy of a mortal soul - I don't care about carrying on my father's name or accomplishing some great conquest of women or land or money... I want to influence others, bend them to my same thoughts. Spread my madness like wildfire, blight, to infest the world. In this era, the greatest power lies in the entertainment media. Masses are too smart to believe in the propaganda of dictators, and even fewer are brainwashed by large religions. Through things I produce that others consume of their own free will, I can spread my belief far beyond myself, as the closest thing to preserving a consciousness. It occurred to me that, while it initially seemed very silly for a gaming magazine to discuss heady philosophical matters, it makes perfect sense demographically. This is where the true messages lie. This is the Word. In our time, the people who will shape the world must trade messages hidden in games, movies, comics, novels, and songs. The places that others will least expect, that they will scoff at and shun. We have to hide the truth in playthings.

I wish I had that hungry fire of the spirit more often. Even so, it's an impulse without much planning. I've done my best without much knowledge of how to proceed, but progress feels very slow. I'll need to meet others, collaborate with them to build my own skills. It's unfortunate that I can't share my thoughts or vision with them. I know that so many people have had the same idea as me, but they word it in ways that sound innocuous to the masses. They have to understate the true power of their influence. If they are remembered across two or three generations, through populations of maybe just a few million, well, imagine the energy their thoughts have been rewarded! Only a few years ago, guitarists were idolized as "gods", and maybe it was truer that anyone wanted to believe. Literature from centuries and even millenia ago continues to shape our thoughts at a fundamental level. Old Greeks still impact how we interpret the world. If Socrates were immortal, surviving to see this very day, would his power be palpable, manifested literally in physical space? Would he be able to directly manipulate reality with his will, simply for having affected so many billions of minds? (If he were immortal, the answer seems obviously in the affirmative.)

I've said too much already. I have faith that one day underlings will join me in this quest, one day before the Earth has changed and this truth is more evident to others. We have to start early if we want to succeed. Join me! Who knows what reward awaits us?