Here are a few tips for you folks out there who do not know how to use the urinals! Actually, this is mainly for girls. It should entertain you. :)

Rule 1 : The small urinals are for CHILDREN. Do not use them. At all costs, avoid urinals that stretch to the floor, unless they have an open drain. Failure to do so will result in splashback and plenty of peer laughter when they smell the urine eminating from your pants.

Rule 2 : Always make certain that you are as many urinals away from any other man partaking in the urination festival as possible. Failure to do so will be viewed as an admittance of a homosexual nature and can result in anything from a black eye to a sore ass, depending on what kind of man you cross.

Rule 3 : If no one is at the urinals, take the end urinal. Don't be a dick. If there are three urinals, do not take the middle urinal. This is another social taboo.

Rule 4 : Eyes forward and staring straight ahead, or, also accepted, at your member. Any slight indication that you are looking to the side can again be interpreted to be a homosexual hint, and is punishable by the aforementioned ways. In addition, sizing up another guy, whether you are a homosexual or not, is simply rude.

Rule 5 : No talking. Men feel uncomfortable enough in the bathroom with other men as it is. They do not need a further distraction, such as you saying, "Whoa, where did this wart come from?" or "God DAMN I need to pee like a racehorse... hey, man, you're hung like one!" Such acts of random prose can result in much more painful torture than above, too graphic for this guide.

If given the option, whether you need to sit down or not, use a stall. It is much easier to avoid any temptations or accidents in this way. And above all, practice safe peeing. Do not pee on others. Thank you for reading the guide to urination. If you have any problems with urinating, please call us at 1-800-YOU-SUCK and we will be sure to laugh at you.

I can't wait for the aliens to find THIS node!