Back when the world was young (approximately 2000 B.C.), Scandinavia was a barren and treacherous place to live. It was horribly cold almost all the time, but the fact that polar bears chased the inhabitants around the entire time negated this challenge. This brings us to another problem: the polar bears. A well known fact at this time was that Scandinavia was primarily ruled by powerful ice shamans, and they were generally put in a pissy mood when they had to run from the polar bears. They despised making the polar bears freezing instantaneously because using such powerful magic made them extremely thirsty, which was another problem in itself, but we shall save that for another story.

Becoming tired with this way of life, the ice shaman Einar traveled very far south to the continent of Africa. Here he promised a small group of natives wealth and power beyond their wildest dreams if they would accompany him back to his homeland. Little did they know that his intentions were to use them as warriors to fight off the polar bears while he and his associates built bear-proof structures. Upon arriving, they were given weapons and armor with which to defend the ice shamans, but things pretty much went downhill from there. The bears spotted their dark-skinned prey very easily, after which they would rip them apart. Many weeks of this lifestyle continued, until one day the ice shamans devised a brilliant idea.

For thousands of kilometers, the ice shamans put up a magical net that would make everyone's skin within the magical field become significantly lighter. The ancient Africans soon became as pale and white as the snow, while the ice shamans turned a ghastly, nigh-translucent shade of white. The plan worked, as the polar bears could not as easily spot the Africans any more, and the ice shamans may as well not have existed. The bear-proof structures were erected, and the ice shamans, along with their African guardians, lived peaceful lives. That is, until most of them became Vikings.

To this day it is rumored that a person with dark skin will eventually turn the same pale shade as the locals should they live in Scandinavia long enough. Do you not believe the myth? Just ask yourself this question: have you ever seen a black person with a Swedish accent?

I wrote this about three years ago while I was in a mildly psychotic state. Since then, I have learned that there are dark-skinned people living in Scandinavia. Oh well. Was a great story while it lasted...