Well today is my mother's birthday! She is a amazing 51 today, we got her the sound track & DVD to Shrek. So tonight it'll be a mini-party.
My fortune cookie today told me: 'You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.'
I guess my reason for noding was kinda a vent and a HELP I need some sort of wisdomly advice!
Here's the problem:
I've been, I guess, dating this guy for a little over a month, we basically have been really hanging out, going to parties together and went to put-in-bay together for a weekend. Well just being that I just got out of a LONG engagement (and i'm only 21) I've been very wary about relationships.
A perfect guy for me since I was born has always been someone Hungarian, since I'm Hungarian it is suitting - well nocte and I on Sept. 1st went to a Hungarian event here in Cleveland and we both kinda I guess met a guys. I kept in touch with the guy I met and Nocte kinda did but I see/hear from him more than her. So well my first dilemma when I met the guy that he's 30 - a nine year age difference! Ok so overlooked - then later on there is word that he's been previously married - ok well kinda hesitant but overlooked. I guess I really over looked these cause I was trying to think of him as the person he is now and not who he was.
Ok now here's the dilemma...
Yesterday was going perfect...Norbi picked me up from class I went with him to where he was painting a house did homework chatted back and forth - had a nice casual time. After there I felt like a little thing to be shown off - we visited almost EVERYONE he knows from his bosses family to old ladies he visits to help keep them company. Everyone knew of me and said how he talks such great things about us and how happy he finally is since he's come to America (and etc.)
The evening started after being at his apartment (for my first time since we met) cause he wanted to shower from work and then we went to print out some green card lottery papers, and then gifts at Best Buy. Ok backtrack - at the library on the form we were filling out there was something that said - married? and well I looked at him and never got a straight answer if he was officially divorced - he said yes. But there was some odd moment of silence and I looked at him and said 'what' and he mentioned the past ten years of his life have been hell - and i questioned- and he said someday he would have to tell me it's a long ordeal. Well I didn't like the sound of it but I thought, well he's never mentioned it before maybe it's not really bad. Leaving Best Buy it got brought up again but this time he said he was afraid to tell me thinking I would immediately run the other direction - now I was worried, why would someone say that? So next door is a steak house we went there for dinner - got our food still no mention of anything I barely touched my steak and was nibbling on cold chili (argh) when he decided to bring it up.
First it started out slowly. He started saying that this is a not unusual problem in Europe, so I figured hell ok probally same here too. He was talking about things and having me guess various problems and I was wrong and then if left it down to one thing, children...and i was thinking oh God please don't let this guy be a dead beat dad - I looked at him and almost cried the words 'kids' he said yes, I swear my eyes just about fell out, so I said boy or girl... he says 'ishi'. I never heard of that term before so then he got into the details.
He first started at the point when he was 20 - started saying how he was at this party and met a 15 year-old and ended up getting her pregnant on a one-night stand type thing. They were forced to marry and they had a daughter together who is now 11 years old. My opinion was oh ok this had been the wife I heard him mention! - Then he said then he got married again - at this point I lost all my appetite and was speechless- I looked at him and I'm sure had this terrified look of worry - as he continued he said she had two children from another relationship - then he paused - and he said and then we had a son, now 5 years old. ('ishi' word in last paragraph means boy and girl) OMG at this point I was out of my seat on my knees ready to leave and cry. I was speechless - I didn't say anything something that happened in this human's past made me feel terrible inside.
Of course he saw the look on my face and said is that a problem? Wow...I don't know if lied or just haven't convinced my other half the brain. He said he didn't tell me cause he didn't think early in the relationship would of been appropiate, and that he told me now because he was threatened to or someone else would tell me, and he would of rather of me heard it from him.
Still trying to extract the problem? I guess it is the fact that I really like this person, and never would have dated a person knowing this going into a relationship. I don't want to end something that is good but in my heart it's like 'ugh' I feel like I disappointed myself to myself - but I dunno!
I guess this could also be a plea for anyone have some good wholesome advice - I've just been so depressed with it and my friends have all fallen off the planet terms of normality (excluding a few) that it's insane...
I have to give a hug and thank you to Nocte, not only is she an awesome friend in real life but here too, and thank you for being there especially last night when I was ready to lose it and you let me vent and helped me with some good advice.