Sex, Sleep, Eat, Drink, Dream
I felt, for the first time, in so long. Sadness, Concern, Happiness, Yearning, Joy. All coming back, there was something missing all that time, and I finally noticed now.
The usual happened, wake up, go to church, etc. And I'm on my way out the door, the phone rings. It's a girl, with a problem. Frantic. People all around me interrogating as to who is on the end and she's talking, but it's not talking in the normal sense, she's just dropping words as quickly as she can, out of order, flying all over the place.
Inside my head there's so much going on, her words fall to the floor. I felt so hollow, a lump in my throat rapidly forming, and I try to piece the phrase together, I needed to stop the chaos all around me. "I've gotta go, sorry." But the frantic dropping of words like a hailstorm pelting against the glass of a car's windshield could not cease. I dropped the phone, thinking it would disconnect my head from all of it. The words began bouncing around my mind, I was trying to piece together what was being said, and I managed to figure it out to an extent. Somebody was having a problem, and I did nothing but leave them with a simple mechanical click.
I felt like shit. I was sitting in the back of my family's Blazer, on a trip out to Best Buy to pick up some CDs, maybe a movie or two. How utterly meaningless, when there was someone with a real problem needing to be dealt with. Unfortunatley there was no real way for me to not go, I was already committed to the day's commercialism.
That's all when I noticed it, I had began to feel again, and I haven't for so long, but since a few days ago I have, I don't know why, but I've got some pretty good ideas.
I eventually talked to her and helped her to an extent, I felt really bad about letting someone down though, just this horrible sinking feeling. You get the good with the bad.