The sun is out, the sky is blue
There's not a cloud to spoil the view
But it's raining, raining in my heart
--          Buddy Holly

Worse than raining. Continual panic, encroaching despair all the time. Please God, make it go away. Not only the pain I inflicted on someone else - empathy is not always a good thing - also the guilt, and i can't watch the effects anymore. Can't take it.

Just let it end. Somehow. All of it.