Ethiopia (Where I'm As Buff As I Wannabe)

by William Walker

I stand at the mirror, looking at what the gym missed And I finally wonder how much more I can take of this I’ve seen a lot of sand kicked, and always lost the girls I never seem to gain from the push-ups or the curls It gets me so down when I think about my arms It’s been said that stick figures have better muscle charms So I think about this place when they say I could fit a size two dress The only one in the world where my physique never fails to impress
One of these days that plane ticket will be mine And I’ll step off the flight to a sight to behold Hundreds of them will be gathered in a line And it reminds me of a really long barcode (and they’ll be singing)
Welcome to Ethiopia (where I’m as buff as I wanna be) We think this place is good for you, so it must be good for me Sure the food isn’t great (what food?) and no woman you wouldn’t break But you outweigh us at a whopping hundred and three
It’s pretty bad when a Twizzler fits around your waist And your so damned scrawny you blame a disease just to get a date You tend to resemble pinnochio’s nose after a day of tellin lies Just think about the only place where the men barely outweigh the flies
One hundred and three… One hundred and three… Look at magnificent me... There ain’t a single tree…
2nd CHORUS (and rant)
Welcome to Ethiopia (Where I’m swoller than you… and you … and you and that guy..yeah..yeah, you twizzle-torso… and that guy… that’s a girl?? Are you sure? She’s like…. I don’t know… that’s freaky, man. That’s just not right. You guys should call her turnpike. Not a curve in sight. Hey.. HEY!! Get your bony claws off of me, you sunken shells, before I sneeze and relocate all of you. You freaks look like you got attacked by a band of obsessive compulsive vampires coming off a sixty year fast. Hey!! NO BITING!!!(screaming)
Welcome to Ethiopia where they ate me alive And only left my skeleton Welcome to Ethiopia where came to look big And now I look like them