Ethiopia (Where I'm As Buff As I Wannabe)
by William Walker
VERSE 1
I stand at the mirror, looking at what the gym missed
And I finally wonder how much more I can take of this
I’ve seen a lot of sand kicked, and always lost the girls
I never seem to gain from the push-ups or the curls
It gets me so down when I think about my arms
It’s been said that stick figures have better muscle charms
So I think about this place when they say I could fit a size two dress
The only one in the world where my physique never fails to impress
PRECHORUS
One of these days that plane ticket will be mine
And I’ll step off the flight to a sight to behold
Hundreds of them will be gathered in a line
And it reminds me of a really long barcode (and they’ll be singing)
CHORUS
Welcome to Ethiopia (where I’m as buff as I wanna be)
We think this place is good for you, so it must be good for me
Sure the food isn’t great (what food?) and no woman you wouldn’t break
But you outweigh us at a whopping hundred and three
VERSE 2
It’s pretty bad when a Twizzler fits around your waist
And your so damned scrawny you blame a disease just to get a date
You tend to resemble pinnochio’s nose after a day of tellin lies
Just think about the only place where the men barely outweigh the flies
CHORUS
BRIDGE
One hundred and three…
One hundred and three…
Look at magnificent me...
There ain’t a single tree…
2nd CHORUS (and rant)
Welcome to Ethiopia (Where I’m swoller than you… and you … and you
and that guy..yeah..yeah, you twizzle-torso… and that guy… that’s
a girl?? Are you sure? She’s like…. I don’t know… that’s freaky,
man. That’s just not right. You guys should call her turnpike.
Not a curve in sight. Hey.. HEY!! Get your bony claws off of me,
you sunken shells, before I sneeze and relocate all of you. You freaks
look like you got attacked by a band of obsessive compulsive
vampires coming off a sixty year fast. Hey!! NO BITING!!!(screaming)
LAST CHORUS
Welcome to Ethiopia where they ate me alive
And only left my skeleton
Welcome to Ethiopia where came to look big
And now I look like them