I just got off of the phone with Tony. I think during the duration of that phone call that I went through an entire range of emotions, and I still can’t put my finger on how I feel. There was mild annoyance at the fact that he acts like nothing happened. Like he didn’t sit on my bedroom floor, playing my guitar and not looking into my eyes, even when I realized that he’d cheated on me. I knew it in his eyes, and one look from Sean told me everything I needed to know.

Tony is so selfish. I feel like I give and give and give; well I don’t think I have anything left right now. It’s like a soup kitchen. You know…you give out all the tomato, chicken noodle, chicken tortilla, beef noodle, whatever. (Oh my lord…I definitely just went through a partial menu of the Underground’s soups…Note to self: You’ve been at Hanover College too long when you can list the entire menu. Including salads. And you know all the cafeteria ladies. By name. ) Where was I? Oh yes. Soup kitchen. You give out all the soup, and once the last steaming bowl or mug has been filled, there’s nothing left until the next batch is ready. I feel like I just doled out my last cup of minestrone. And right now, I just don’t know if I have the energy to go to the store to buy bullion cubes, let alone throw them into a pot to make more soup. I’m spent. I feel like a picked-through clearance rack the day after Christmas…tired and leftover and tacky and cheap.