I just got off of the phone with Tony. I think during the duration of that phone call that I went through an entire range of emotions, and I still canâ€™t put my finger on how I feel. There was mild annoyance at the fact that he acts like nothing happened. Like he didnâ€™t sit on my bedroom floor, playing my guitar and not looking into my eyes, even when I realized that heâ€™d cheated on me. I knew it in his eyes, and one look from Sean told me everything I needed to know.
Tony is so selfish. I feel like I give and give and give; well I donâ€™t think I have anything left right now. Itâ€™s like a soup kitchen. You knowâ€¦you give out all the tomato, chicken noodle, chicken tortilla, beef noodle, whatever. (Oh my lordâ€¦I definitely just went through a partial menu of the Undergroundâ€™s soupsâ€¦Note to self: Youâ€™ve been at Hanover College too long when you can list the entire menu. Including salads. And you know all the cafeteria ladies. By name. ) Where was I? Oh yes. Soup kitchen. You give out all the soup, and once the last steaming bowl or mug has been filled, thereâ€™s nothing left until the next batch is ready. I feel like I just doled out my last cup of minestrone. And right now, I just donâ€™t know if I have the energy to go to the store to buy bullion cubes, let alone throw them into a pot to make more soup. Iâ€™m spent. I feel like a picked-through clearance rack the day after Christmasâ€¦tired and leftover and tacky and cheap.