Like any good voter, I went to my local library to get a Voter Information Bulletin to find out more about the local candidates for office. The League of Women Voters publishes the one I grabbed. The premise is simple: they contact each candidate with two questions and the candidates send in their responses. They are published without editing for spelling, grammar or content. The whole thing was fairly predictable until I found this:


Robert A Martin, Independent (write-in)
3080 Allegheny rd, Apt C, Columbus OH 43209
Email: none given
Website: none given
Education: Am over 60 years old and presently taking a course called Basic Drawing at OSU – Main Campus, summer 04. Like illustrating churches on Sunday.
Occupation: On my US, IRS income taxes 1040, I like to put that I am a insulation designer.
Qualifications for Office: Previous candidate for 4 other public offices resently. Around the World 2001 (over word limit)

Question 1: What do you see as the most important responsibility of the office you are seeking and how do you plan to meet it? (100 word limit)

Answer: No response given

Question 2: Please describe the duties of the office you are seeking. (100 word limit)

Answer: Get and distribute marriage and related data. Prepare children as soon as possible to run for this office. Promote art work. Put in gym for department. Offer written testing. Offer monitary rewards for suggestions. Be in the offices 5-6 day a week 24 hours a day. Carry cameras and tape recorders on your persons. Go to different churches each Sunday for comments and suggestions. Have a small gym in my office. Make sure people such as janitors are happy.

I should write down what happened. The police will want it. I can't find a pen, so I'll put it here for now. After all you people have seen the rest of it. I want to print all Susan's stuff off for the psychologist anyway.

This is Arthur, Susan's husband, by the way.

So we hosted this Halloween dinner last night. Jimmy and Dale, Jimmy's an old colleague of mine who's got a hot startup that I wanted to get in on. No chance of that now. Dale his date. Nicola the hot nurse neighbor from up the street. Susan, and me.

Suze made this very basic meat-and-potatoes meal, but all kinds of elaborate desserts and side dishes. Forensics will want the leftovers I guess, but I ate some of most of it to no ill effect. I know what happened anyway.

Susan had put out that hideous crystalware as a centerpiece, or so I thought. So after the meal Dale asked about it and Susan invited him to have some of the almond amaretto from the glass flask dealie. She poured some into one of the ugly stemware glasses and he tried it, and called it delicious. So Susan tried to get us all to have some, but I was planning to drive and had a beer already, so I gave mine back to her and proposed a toast with my beer glass. Everyone drank up -- Nicola and Susan just sipped, but Jimmy drank more and Dale pounded it back. Dale asked for more right away. We talked for a bit and Dale started to get sick -- rapid breathing at first, but then started trembling. Nicola checked him out and said he had an accelerated heartbeat and dilated pupils. Pretty soon he was in convulsions, frothing at the mouth no less. He stopped breathing and Nicola started to give him mouth-to-mouth, only to get sick herself. I was already on the phone to 9-1-1 at this point. The ambulance guys got there within minutes, but even so everyone but me was sick or incapacitated by then.

Dale was DOA right at the house. Jimmy died en route and Nicola went at the hospital. Susan's in intensive care and the prospects aren't good. I should've thrown that fucking glassware out the front door the moment it got here. She's been wigged out since it arrived, weird dreams and shit. You should have seen her staring at the goddamn things this morning.

Cyanide poisoning, they think. Probably in the amaretto.

The coroner's been here and the police have impounded the damned glassware and a bunch of other stuff from the house. Where the hell would she get cyanide from? Makes no sense.

Not a true story.
A fictional diary for They Hunger For Nodes: An e2 Halloween Scary Story Quest

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The election comes on Tuesday. While I don't think it'll be much of a battle Tuesday Night (I believe Dubya will be re-elected), I do think it'll go to the courts and be dragged out as it was in 2000. But that's not the subject.

I met a girl! Like, a real girl! Ok, so I met her online (or rather, she met me I guess since she IMed me first), but atleast she lives in the same state as me. That's an improvement, right? And boy oh boy, she's pretty nifty keen. Smart, witty & funny, very pretty in that cute, Allison Hannigan sort of way. And damn does she have a way with words.

It's just wild...that after two and half years of being alone...that now there's a real chance that I might have someone now. That I won't be so fucking lonely (a great node, btw). So yeah, there's hope for the future..atleast for right now!

Back to studying for the CompTIA Linux certification. Oh, what a wonderful feeling!

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