Of course, I would never take or transport illegal drugs. No sir! But here's something that happened to a friend of mine:

Let's say you're in the United States and have gone vacationing to a city of sin that has a more ample supply of drugs than your puritanical hometown. This happened to my friend, who found that the ecstasy was great, the speed was much cheaper, and he wanted to bring some back with him. What to do?

Sending it back by postal mail seemed like a decent thing to do, but time was short. In the end, he was able to open up a standard videotape he had, put the ecstasy pills in it, close it back up, and put it in his checked luggage. It went through, arriving back safely. No problem.

But with the speed he didn't have enough time to do a similar trick. So, he did what any clear-headed person would do: he taped it to his butt. Actually, he first dusted the packet of crystal meth with baby powder (he'd heard somewhere that it threw off the scent), then put that in saran wrap, then dusted it again with baby powder, then taped it to his butt. This also worked, though he was of course nervous as hell going through airport security.

In talking with said friend and other friends later, an alternate method came up which seemed clever. The scheme is that you put together a small woman's purse with a fake ID which has your home address on it and preferably the name of somebody who lived there before you, or otherwise a falsified name. Put some other accessories in the purse so it looks believable, and make sure there's a little cash left in there too. Hide the drugs in the purse. Send it in a padded mailer to the address on the ID. Then it looks like some good samaritan found the lost purse and mailed it back. You could plausibly deny the purse was yours and that the ID is fake.

Now, keep in mind that neither I nor Everything2 would approve of you consuming or transporting drugs that are illegal. We care about you and want to see you grow old and stay in good health. We love your pretty smile and your keen looks and know that if you started taking drugs, you'd suddenly start going to hemp rallies and keep a salt shaker full of crystal meth to sprinkle on your food. You don't want that to happen do you?? No, of course you don't. So just ignore everything I just wrote.