Dateline: New York, April 27, 2003

"We come to you live from the streets of New York, where police and military officials are in an ardent standoff with a madman who has driven into the middle of the city with a nuclear warhead/dirty bomb/biological disaster agent in the back of a rented U-Haul truck. It appears that th-"

(massive explosion/gas cloud)

Hmmm... seems like we should have taken out that Saddamguy when we had the chance... too bad we protested so much that the president decided not to invade... good thing we turned around and gave Al Gore the presidency, he was the rightful winner of the election anyway. If you don't get what you want, whine about it until you do! Good thing Al is saving the environment, because those venomous screaming geckos were on the verge of being wiped from the planet.

You know, now that I think about it, it is a little bad that most Iraqi children can't go to school, but if they do, they get to enjoy an exciting life preparing them to be a crazed and mindless follower of Saddam Hussein.

Yeah, I guess it's too bad that our largest city and the very symbol of American life and values is a smoking radioactive ash heap/diseased and contaminated graveyard. Yeah. That really sucks.

Well, at least we didn't have to that G.W.B. guy. Granted, he could have saved countless lives, but he's a Christian president and a Republican and that really cheeses me off. Everyone knows you don't talk about God anymore. What if a Bhuddist were listening?

Excuse me, is that dog over there choking on my sarcasm? Perhaps a bleeding heart liberal will come by and perform the Hiemlich. No wait, the liberal's choking too...