It was Thursday, dark night of winter, three in the morning and I hadn’t slept enough from last three days. I was tired, tired to death and she wanted to talk. I would not mind talking since I loved her (
maybe I still do). She wanted to know how much I love her, why do I love her, what would I do if she slept and have kids with another guy and come back to me? I was giving explanations of my undying love for her.
There was nothing special about Thursday night, it happened almost every night, sometimes she was sad about something and I had to spend entire night trying to cheer her up. Sometimes she would tell how much she hate her life and friends and I just had to listen. Sometimes she would tell me that I should change my hairstyle or I should quit smoking. Every night we would talk about my undying love for her, for a while all these things made me feel sick but since she wanted to talk about it, I had no choices. Then there were times she talked all Greek to me. Still, she was the apple of my eye.
We would talk about love all night and in the morning, I will go to office and she will go to sleep. It happened every night prior to our break up (she broke up with me). I missed her for a long time, her thoughts stayed as a chip on my shoulder.
One Year Later
I was with a new girl, It was Thursday again, dog days of summer, three in the morning and I hadn’t slept (or slept enough) from ages. I was tired, dog-tired and she wanted to talk about closely the same things that my ex-girlfriend liked. Exactly the same things, trust, eternal love, fake people, how her old boyfriend lied and Greek. I was listening to her from a long time, suddenly something happened to me and I chewed her out. I started to yell “Shut up, shut it, please. I am tired of this crap, you don’t need me, you need a funny farm, and you are making me sick. It is not my fault if life has been tough on you, it’s not my fault if you think badly about yourself, it’s not my frigging fault if your ex made you do things that you did not want to do, stop it or I would just kick the bucket”. We never talked again.
I miss both of them sometimes. I know that crying over spilt milk wouldn’t do any good, but I just can’t help it. There are Thursday nights when I am tired but still I am not able to sleep. I yearn for their presence, I feel lonely and sad. Sooner or later I will fall asleep, maybe after three in the morning. But there is a good part too, I will live my life the way I like, when I will wake up in the morning to get ready for the office, I will wear the clothes of my choice, I will dress my hair the way I like and I will smoke on my way to office. Keeping my chin up and hoping that it will pass and it will get easier.