This is my December...
This is my last write up for a while. It's the last of any kind. My time here was enjoyable and I've had help for a lot of you.
I'm going to go see a doctor on Monday about depression. Between school and my girlfriend breaking up with me, I think it's for the best. My life seems to just keep going down hill and I don't know where the bottom is. I think I've hit it but why does it feel like I'm still falling?
...this is my time of year....
I can never have a stable relationship. The women I've dated have either cheated on me or gotten tired of me. They are the type that you wouldn't expect that of them. And I don't know what to do about love anymore. I won't find it. Pretty sure of it. I'm an over weight nerd that isn't that attractive. I'm as ugly as sin. So I guess I can't blame them for wanting something better.
This is my December....
I've tried to lose weight. Tried to make myself look better and more attractive. It's all failed. I thought that this time it would be different.
...this is all so clear....
It wasn't. It's failed again. It makes me not want to try anymore. It scares me. My heart doesn't hurt as bad anymore. I think I'm getting used to being dumped. I can't feel anything anymore. I don't like that thought. I don't like not being able to feel. It means that I'm becoming cold, uncaring. I don't want my heart to turn to stone. That isn't me...
This is my December...
I'm leaving you guys with a quote. One that means a lot to me and that I say more than once a day "Recognize and deal with reality, no matter how unpleasent it may be." I've accepted reality. And it hurts. But what was I expecting?
This is me alone....