I have taken the recent bit of shocking news with awe-inspiring calm. Perhaps because the simple expression "George W. Bush has been re-elected to serve as President of the United States for 4 more years" has not quite sunk in yet. In the coming days, as I sift through the daily dose of news featuring AMAZINGLY LARGE NUMBER OF PEOPLE DEAD, I shall come to rest on this somber reality. I will then proceed to eat all my hats, finger-fuck myself, pick a fight with my mother, and just run out onto the street, yelling strictly in vowels and waving my arms about (see: chanting). I will then be locked up in an institution where I'll be hunched over all day, murmuring to myself "burgers!! get yer Guantanamo burgers!!". I trust that major American National Security Agencies (which one was it that really existed again?) will fund my extended stay and provide for my family while I recuperate.

I suspect that a lot of Americans will go through a similar process of revelation and enlightenment. My heart goes out to them. They may even share with me the feeling I get when I apply for a VISA to a hotshot Western country. That heart-sinking Not Welcomeness. By and by, you may figuratively find yourself being left alone at the dinner table. Less now are you the people from the land of Mickey Mouse than the land of, umm, a really BAD, BAD Mickey Mouse.

A widely held belief is that Americans are good naggers of their own government. The impression we get is that there's probably an interest group for left-handed lefties who camp outside capitol hill, demanding that the military salute be revised. That's all very nice. You peacefully protesting, that is. We ourselves didn't have much of that until recently. However, I can't help but notice the inversely proportionate Peacefulness of the American Protest in reaction to the war being waged on INNOCENT PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE URBAN LUMBERING WE NOW REMEMBER AS 9/11.

I imagine this is why some Americans are despairing. You people have made your voices heard through inumerable channels, taken to the streets with your incendiary Bush dolls and Steve Bell cut-outs and just showed the world how much you care about the transgressions of that Animal in the White House. Hell, he was pretty self-effacing without you having to point it out.


You have to put that banner down now.