Klaproth had some words for this. But humanity should not be deprived of its gallant message.

Turd, Office Politics, and the State

I'm one of those reclusive people who need their time in the holiest of shrines to solitude, the bathroom. When I am at work I will visit the bathroom at least twice a day with no particular intent to discharge. I'll light a cigarette and just stare at my wasted self in the mirror.

Recently, we had these signs posted in the bathroom by, I'm guessing, the general manager.

They read:

  • Dusundugunuz kucukse su dokun.
    (If you're considering doin' a number one, pour water)
  • Dusundugunuz buyukse sifonu cekin.
    (If you're considering doin' a number two, flush)
  • Dusundugunuz buyuk gitmekte direniyorsa fircayla mudahale ediniz.
    (If what you are considering refuses to move on, intervene with the brush)

I did not think much of this quirky little message, which at first glance seemed all in good fun and lightened up the 9-to-5 mood.

Today, the horror behind its guise materialized as I was watching the smoke curl around me in that damp cubicle.

If you're thinking of bunking off work for that extra few minutes, it was saying, we suggest you forget about it.

If you're thinking on a wider scale, contemplating changing your lifestyle, skipping town, leaving it all behind, puttin' on your headphones and listening to "Aquarius" while on that coach, it's out the window. You don't have the guts anyway.

And, finally: CITIZEN! The state is omni-present and all-powerful. You don't stand a chance! We carry the big stick. Do what you may, but if you try to pull others out of our meticulously contrived quagmire, you'll get IT (!), and you'll get it hard.

Needless to say I put out the fag and went back to goddamn work. I'm no match for those people.