One day I came in on an off shift to the Venereal Data Center, the oldest and jankyest of the VA data centers.

The cubicle area was in a large, windowless room surrounded by weird corridors that were too brightly lit, an overly lit breakroom, and two dim offices. All of the lights had been removed by techs and hidden somewhere, so the room was in perpetual darkness broken only by monitors. So, basically, it was the perfect nocling nest. Very comfy for the eyes.

Anyhow, I wander into this area on my way to the manager's office on the far side to get some paperwork, and Joe, this large, burly, heavily tattooed man, wanders out of the second office, power drill in hand, laughing. Joe has has wrapped shrink wrap around an extra long drill bit and squirted a couple of packets of mayo onto what now resembles a homemade dildo.

At the point Joe notices I'm there, he is squeezing the trigger of the drill meaningfully as he advances on a junior tech, his other hand clasped around the mayo-covered shrink wrap. He sees me perhaps fifteen seconds after exiting the office as he rounds the wall of cubes and enters the narrow central corridor through the room.

Joe freezes briefly for perhaps three seconds, his mouth in this shocked "oh" position. At that point, I started laughing. He points the drill at me, squeezes the trigger a few more times, and wanders back into the other office

He, the other two techs and the systems engineer in the office, refuse to discuss it ever again.

A bored nocling is a dangerous thing.