Teenage Kicks is NOT a song about masturbation. John O'Neill, who wrote the song, is adamant that that is not the subject matter and to say it is derogatory. There has only ever been one version; what you hear is the original and only version. The lyrics were never changed. Sorry to spoil your illusion.

Andy Ferguson - Manager - The Undertones

Editor's note: This has been left here, despite its writeup-as-reply composition, as a fact check against TallRoo's writeup above.