European Wiccan Candle Curse

Bury your booty in your choice spot and proceed to create a glyph of warding by marking off a circle, 13 feet in diameter, with the loot in the center. Along this circumference, bury 13 bloody rat carcasses. For added atmosphere, feel free to bellow, "Rat Droppings die die die!" repeatedly at the top of your lungs.

Purchase or make a long yellow candle, as the color is symbolic of wealth, and carve the name of the location where you buried your stash into the candle. Start at the base and write up toward the tip, and, as the candle burns, the location will be protected from curious motherfuckers. Warning: If you write from tip to base, you might as well run a billboard campaign of your treasure location for all to see.

On the first night after a full moon, after the sun has set, light the candle. As it burns, keep a mental image of the location of your buried booty. Maintain uninterupted concentration for one hour before blowing out the candle. Collect the melted wax and keep it in a safe place.

Repeat "the Burning" every night until a new moon begins. Be sure to hold on to all of the melted wax.

Second Burial
Once the moon begins anew, take the wax to the location of your buried treasure. Bury the wax about 10 inches under the ground, positioning it directly above the buried booty.

Don't ever talk about the curse. Forget you even placed a curse. If anyone ever mentions a... wait... what were we talking about again?

When executed properly, this curse will keep your booty undisturbed for as long as it is buried... or at least bring the Rainbow-haired Demon of Death to anyone who dare unearth it.

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