Future advances in genetic engineering may enable the creation of a new infinitely useful animal: the laundry gibbon. The laundry gibbon will be more than a pet, it will be a proactive laundry processing entity. There are a number of reasons why research into the creation of laundry gibbons is wise:

  1. Gibbons are brutally cute - especially running with arms high in the air. Perhaps laundry gibbons could be trained to be cute on command.
  2. Gibbons long arms are ideally suited to carrying laundry.
  3. Gibbons can reach a clothes line - for clothes which are too delicate for machine drying.
  4. Gibbons do not throw feces. At least they haven't thrown it at me.
Only four skills need to be taught to these enhanced gibbons:

  1. Collecting and sorting laundry is a requirement.
  2. Operating the washing machine/dryer buttons is also necessary. Perhaps through the use buttons simplified for small primates.
  3. Using a flush toilet is much better than throwing feces.
  4. Occasional gibbon self washing in the clothes washer would be ideal. Of course the gibbon would need some delayed start wash button and a very gentle wash cycle.
After reading punkgeek's node on the subject, I mentioned the proposed laundry gibbons to several of my friends. We came up with a number of different gibbon concepts (such as home defense gibbons, which live under the front porch and have been specially trained to throw feces at unwelcome intruders, or waste-disposal gibbons, which take out your trash for you) but we decided that the best idea of all was an addition to the standard laundry gibbon behavior set:

Gibbons nest, right? Many primates do. So give your laundry gibbon an old laundry basket for a nest. Teach your laundry gibbon to scrape out the lint-filters in your dryer; it can use the scrapings to pad its nest with. Then have your gibbon use any excess lint as quilt-stuffing for its blanket! Thanks to the wonders of laundry gibbons, an annoying and useless substance gains function and benign purpose.

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