Pssst: He loves her, he doesn't love you, can't, not that way. I get this every time, like a warning on my windshield, and nonetheless wait for the ticket, the toll. It always hurts, it's always too much to pay. And emode and Cosmo make bad gamblers of lovers, because now I think I have a system, I think I have a plan, not that it matters anyway. There is something to your heart and seeing it broken over and over, better than horses, wheels or dogs; it's first-class entertainment, at least for me. It begins with acting out of character, talking out of line, walking on glass until your feet bleed rivers.

(it's just that it never gets easier, I never beat the system, but continue to roll...)

And Thursday I made him giggle for the first time in ages. If only I could forget that sound, I like to think I'd be all right.

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