false Latin

The following poem, O Cibili, is normally written on the chalkboard in front of a Latin language class. The instructor is then challenged to parse the poem. You may try to do so yourself before reading the translation.

O Cibili

O cibili, si ergo,
fortibuses in ero.
O nobili, demes trucs.
Si vasinem? Cousen ducs!

Translation:

Oh, See Billy

Oh, see Billy, see 'er go,
Forty buses in a row.
Oh no, Billy, them is trucks.
See what's in'em? Cows and ducks!

I found this one in my student song book, but it existed already when my dad was a student. The vocabulary is pretty French, but I think it's understandable by English speakers. Annotations are by me.

Iesus ad bordellum

In eo tempore erat Jesus in calore¹, dixit discipulis et apostolis suis: "Cauda mea erecta est, tempora revoluta sunt; eamus ad bordelum ut pinare!"
Discipuli responderunt: "Eamus, eamus"

Entraverunt in via Sancti Laurenti², arrivati ad portam bordeli Jesus dixit: "Silencia, silencia" tocavitque³ ad portam apparuit macarella monstruosa gueula⁴ fardata demandans; "Vultime coïre aut flanellam facere?"

Responderunt: "Coïre, coïre!"

Entraverunt in salonum; Jesus vidit in canapeto⁵ sedente,macarella bene garnita cum gueula hospitalata.
Dixit Jesus:"Vultime ludere cum couillonibus⁶ meus?"

Jesus foutavit pedem suum in culo sancti Tomasi quiquam super canapetum crampam tirabat et dixit: "Nullo discipulus meus coïre potet ubi dominus non gaudet."

Jesus payavit champagnum, sed Petrus bibit grenadinam cum aqua gazata nam calidam pissam⁷ habebat. Deboutonavit culottam suam: apparuit cauda immensa cum glando mirabile et couillonibus monstruosis. Jesus foutavit caudam suam in culo Maria Magdalena qui suscabat pinam sancti Matthei.

Poussavit ad fundum et dechargeatus, dixit Jesus:"Consumatum est".

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¹Etre en chaleur : to be 'hot'.
²Rue St-Laurent : Red light district, don't remember where.
³Toquer : to knock.
⁴Gueule : face
⁵Canapé : Couch
⁶les couilles : the balls
⁷La chaude pisse : a STD that makes you piss razors.