When one sits down to analyze friendships and relationships, they can be seen in many different lights. Some things hold true in all relationships. Many people do not notice these facts because it is something that they wish to deal with. It is hard to accept that people are simply looking out for themselves.

The most common unconditional relationship is with a pet. No matter what you do to most animals they will love you and be happy to see you no matter what. The second relationship that some people believe to be unconditional is a relationship with God.

It is unfair to seek an unconditional friendship without giving an unconditional love. Loving unconditionally puts a person at risk to be hurt. Loving someone no matter what can potentially cause a harmful, damaging, and abusive relationship. I know that no one wants such a harmful relationship. The fear of giving unconditional love, as well as the rareness of it, makes a two-sided unconditional relationship rare.

As I was sitting in my car, on the way to school, with my mother behind the wheel, I questioned her. My usual practice, questioning, and questioning, without any argument back, just some words about how it was not my place to disrespect her, how she is the one who makes the rules for me, while I am a part of her family. 'Then let me out of this family, you know I will break your rules, so just let me out.' She just kept driving. I told her how I disagreed with her way of life, and how she should not be allowed to dictate my behavior, and tell me that my own beliefs of right and wrong were any less valid than her own. She kept driving. I told her how my own beliefs were growing stronger with each passing year, and hers were fading away into darkness, like the sunset fades to black. I stepped out of the car, and walked away, to school, to another hell.

I have never loved my mother. Now you may think this to be some sick and twisted statement, which cannot possibly be true, and more of an angst induced thought from an out of control adolescent, but its not. I have never loved my mother, though I have thanked her for all the work she has done in bringing me up, and giving me the best life possible. I have tried for so long to be the best son I could be for her, trying to say what she wanted to hear, and do what she wanted me to do; is this love?

My mother has been someone I have disagreed with from the start. I have not agreed with her way of life, although accepted it, and tried to allow myself to become a part of it, feeling like I owed her this, for all the years she put into my upbringing. However, I do not believe, and may never believe, that she is correct, and when I try to allow myself to practice my own lifestyle within our family, I expect the same amount of respect towards my beliefs as I gave her beliefs. Why not, is it not fair for her to accept me for who I am as I accept her for who she is?

She does not accept me for what I am, and have always been. For this reason, I do not love her. I would be fine loving someone who I do not agree with, and have done so on more than a few occasions, but the idea that I am forced to love her, it scares me, it scares me almost as much as death itself. I will not love her until I feel it, and until then, she is just an acquaintance, who chooses to do things for me, as she loves me, even if the love is unrequited.

But fuck, you all think I’m some sick and crazy bastard for even admitting to this belief, so I will hide from you, the belief which has shaken my family to its core. But the idea that a mother should be loved, and loved no matter what, is absurd. Why, then, do we not love everyone, no matter what? What, you say, an abusive parent does not deserve love? Ok, so then we can take away love? So if a parent starts out with love, and that love is conditional, is that true about the rest of the world? Should we love every person in the world equally, who has not done anything to harm us? Should I do everything in my power to help those starving infants in Africa, because I love them? No. Love is not something which can be taken away, it is something which must be earned. It is something which must be earned by anyone and everyone. We must force ourselves to realize we do not have to become slaves to a parent because of who they are. We must thank them, if they have done a good job, but not love them. Love is not something which you can purchase with your time, it is something which you must acquire through your actions all the time.

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