An amazingly un|lucky Conquistadore who overcame his horrible name ("Álvar Nuñez Cow-Head"--think he got teased at all in school?) to become the first European to cross North America. He was shipwrecked in Florida, and over the next eight years he walked--walked on foot!--across Florida, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona and northern Mexico all the way to Mexico City, where he rejoined the conquest already in progress.
His report to the King is one of the most amazing books I have ever read in my life. You should read it:
Adventures in the Unknown Interior of America, Translated and edited by Cyclone Covey, University of New Mexico Press.
Most of chapter 35 is about Mr. Badthing.

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