A week or so ago, I got a haircut and I thought, I thought long and hard over something, and my thoughts amused me to no end. I wondered "Is there a way to make another aspect of myself look more badass, more epic?" I then browsed through the PX for some shaving cream, I was about to go bald. I looked for shaving cream, something maybe more sensitive than what I'd be using, the last times I'd tried this I cut my head in several places and then I spotted what I was looking for. Minutes later I was standing in the checkout line holding a bottle of depilatory cream and a cloth, ready to alter my appearance.

After my shift that night I slathered the gooey, cool cream across my scalp, across the sides of my head, and then I waited. I waited for about 10 minutes as recommended by the tube and then washed all of my hair away, it was beautiful, it was shiny, it was smooth, and by the gods, it was bald.

After having been thoroughly satisfied with my baldness, I decided it'd be a while before it would grow back. I was very wrong. Within a half a week I realized my hair was actually not only there, but it was actually growing more. I decided to cream it again. After repeating my prior process, I realized that sometimes hair is too long for the cream, I'd have to finish it the old fashioned way. I took the razor to my patch-bald head and finished the job, washing it all off in the shower afterward. The following day I put a good lather of shaving cream on my head and began my now nightly tradition of shaving it all back to it's original smoothness.

I now enjoy the daily sensation of having a clean, shiny head accompanied by my light scruff of a mustache (which I'm working on). I'm very happy with my new look, and now you all know how I got it.

Bald (?), a. [OE. balled, ballid, perh. the p.p. of ball to reduce to the roundness or smoothness of a ball, by removing hair. &root;85. But cf. W. bali whiteness in a horse's forehead.]


Destitute of the natural or common covering on the head or top, as of hair, feathers, foliage, trees, etc.; as, a bald head; a bald oak.

On the bald top of an eminence. Wordsworth.


Destitute of ornament; unadorned; bare; literal.

In the preface to his own bald translation. Dryden.



" Bald egotism."



Destitute of dignity or value; paltry; mean.


5. Bot.

Destitute of a beard or awn; as, bald wheat.

6. Zool. (a)

Destitute of the natural covering.


Marked with a white spot on the head; bald-faced.

Bald buzzard Zool., the fishhawk or osprey. -- Bald coot Zool., a name of the European coot (Fulica atra), alluding to the bare patch on the front of the head.


© Webster 1913.

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