... every so often, I stumbled on simple words while we spoke. Internally, the pounding of my chest attuned itself to a din not unlike John Bonham's kit during the introductory measures of When The Levee Breaks. Your presence could immediately break my concentration, just as your silence ultimately did to my heart. Whether by will or incidental circumstance, the synchronicity of our daily movements were simply another element of how thoroughly enchanting you were to me. I looked forward to seeing your dark auburn hair reflect the morning sun as we exited elevators; I miss your gaze through the layers upon layers of eyeliner which still couldn't hide the brightness of your eyes in the light... at least in my own.

I know these words come as no surprise, but now my intention is simply to let you know that I am still haunted. Perhaps I should have known from the way you tried to hide your grace. I could not help myself from trying to break what I perceived to be an invisible barrier between us. My confession was not so much a spasm of will-power as it was God forcing my hand. I cannot ever remember what kind of irreverent scrawling I left for you that day, but the pangs of regret, I am afraid, seem as if they are to last forever. I am sorry if I hurt you; but if I did, I would know that it was true. Was it love, lust, or merely a random match lost in lies, grasping in the shadows for help? Years have passed since we seemed to have pierced ourselves; I, just to spend time in your warmth and fleeting silent moments; and you, out of mind, paying it all off with our karma.

Maybe there will be a day when we meet each other back home again. An afternoon where we tell each other our real names. A walk in the park, exchanging stories about living in disparate parts of hell. Then a night tangled-up in the sweaty sheets of my hotel room; oh, to feel the milky skin I could once make blush from across a crowded room. And as the sun radiates its warmth through the thinly-veiled shades, I want to feel your fingers running through my hair, I want to see your tears. I will be with you, right there as you fall. I just won't catch you. Of all people, you know sadism is just another way of showing love, right?  Right.

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