@}-,--'---- The hCG Blood Test Can Cause Unnecessary Heartache ----'--,-{@

The memory is still as clear as the day I was told...

I was at a client site Goldman Sachs, trying to search for the anomoly within the Global Risk system. There wasn't many people around near the cubicle I was working in which I was relieved about, because it meant I could eat my lolly pop without feeling silly.

The phone rang at the desk I was at, I answered and it was Kiera "The hospital phoned and they were asking for you and said it's urgent, I've told them you're out on consultancy, but they want you to ring back as soon as possible" she said, she sounded quite disturbed which I thought was strange, but then I figured I would sound disturbed if a hospital rang wanting to speak to Kiera... "Did they leave a number?" I asked, "Yes, but they said that it might not be a good idea for you to ring from where you are right now", she responded "It's OK, just give me the number, they probably want to tell me about the pregnancy test results" I said thinking that it couldn't be anything to worry about, so she gave me the number.

I phoned the hospital, spoke to the midwife and then put the phone back on the handset...

I could feel the blood rushing to my face and my eyes were stinging with tears threatening to escape. My throat tightened as the lump within it grew never the less I attempted to compose myself. I continued to work even though there were little streams of water running either side of my flushed cheeks, and every so often I would release the build up from within my nasal area using a Pret à manger tissue that I had found after scrambling in my bag.

On my way home I had decided that I wouldn't worry about it until I had the soft-marker scan, the test result doesn't necessarily mean my little unborn baby boy is Down Syndrome, I kept telling myself this over and over again...

My husband was with me holding my hand, as we sat waiting outside the room which had pregnant women waddling in and out, then my name was called.

The doctor was busy measuring the small skeletal limbs of the life inside me, I just lay there watching him as he squeezed more of the cold Gel every so often onto my belly.

He told us that the head was slightly larger than the range expected for that gestation and the femur was sligtly too small. He told us that we were young, and he was strongly recommending that we have an amniocentesis. We had already decided early on that we wouldn't do anything to jeopardize our baby's life.

I had then learnt the meaning of true sadness...

For a number of weeks after, I would often start crying unexpectedly in the most public of places, but I had learnt how to hide my tears quickly. Inadequacy was another emotion that was to dominate me during this period of my life.

I had to learn how to be strong, not just for myself but for my husband too, although men don't show their emotions as much, it is my belief that they are less emotionally prepared to cope with tragedies and grief.

In time it also turned out that I had developed Placenta Previa, but since it seems things didn't happen to me by halves, I had managed to develop the worst case of placenta previa possible.

I was told a few days before the operation that it was possible that I might have to have a hysterectomy if the placenta is unable to be seperated from the uterine wall. Yeah I cried, ofcourse I did... but I got over it quickly because my attitude to bad news had changed.

I remember coming through after the operation, I wasn't quite awake but I was conscious and I asked "Is he Down Syndrome", I heard my husband say "No", I asked again, "Is he Down Syndrome", again I heard his answer "No, he's fine". I then asked "Have I had a hysterectomy?", "No, you're fine too". "I love you" I said "I love you too" was the response, and then I started wailing for pain killers.

But, for the first time after a long long time, I felt Peace in my pain, and this particular life experience has left me very humbled.

I cherish my boy, and I love my husband, We're one but we're not the same, we get to carry each other, carry each other...

One Life

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