Since becoming a mother, some of the weirdest things have escaped my lips. (And no, I don't mean my teeth...) I have actually found myself uttering the following phrases in the past two years:

10. Don't run through the kitchen with underwear on your head!
9. If you hit your sister with that plastic fish one more time (insert threat here)!
8. Turn that vacuum cleaner off and stop chasing the dog!
7. No, I do not want to know what it sounds like to flush a banana!
6. What do you mean, you swallowed the robot? WHAT robot?
5. It is not nice to put food on strangers. (aside: "Sorry, sir!")
4. It is not nice to hit! Do you want me to spank you? (WHAT was I thinking???)
3. Don't write on your brother! I don't care if he asked you to!
2. Honey, you know momma doesn't like dead things in her bathtub.
1. Stop shaking your sister! Uncle Terry was playing a joke on you, there's no money in her ears.

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