", she wrote on the top of the page, then looked at it like its a sketch
or a picture.
"You should go back to spelling school", I tease her, "there's no c in Rishi".
"There is honey, there is a deep sea in Rishi", She says and smiles; and looks at me with eyes so heavy you'd think she's drunk. She tries to find something on my face, like she often does. The scars, the unkempt hair, the wheat complexion - she looks at none of these; she's looking for something else; familiarity maybe?
"Why don't I feel I possess you?", she asks. "You don't look like you're my own". I don't know how to fix that; how do I make myself look like I belong to her; she possesses me?
"Just play with me", she says and hugs me, her breasts cold like in the early mornings touching my chest, "don't get attached, don't fall in love with me". I have no idea how one does that either. Just play, and not get attached...
"Write your name with your finger on my skin", she asks me. Sometimes I feel all she likes about me is my name.
Too much beer does this to me, bring her in person before me and she just keeps talking randomly in past. Some days I wish I could undo everything that has happened since morning and wake up again.
After a week since my wisdom teeth extraction I was still numb in my lips and had a bursting pain in my lower jaw. I woke up in pain and saw that I'm out of prescribed pain killers.
I took aspirin and started late for office to face one of those days when you have a meeting first thing in the morning. Soon after meeting I called my dentist, almost in tears with pain in my jaw to ask for pain killers. "Come over for checkup instead", he said.
"If you're still numb, it is what I feared, your nerve has been damaged, maybe its temporary, maybe permanent ....", he spoke into infinity; I could hardly concentrate. The pain didn't bother too much all of a sudden. I was numb all over for a moment.
I returned to office to see a missed call on my phone. It was Maya, Mabel and my common friend. I called her back. "I was just wondering what are you ....", she continues for sometime, "Did you hear from Mabel recently?"
"No; it's been a while."
"She's too busy it seems, I haven't talked to her in a long time too. She has a boyfriend now ..."
'She has a boyfriend now ...' I thought I don't care anymore. I thought I'm over it already and that I'm very understanding in the entire situation. It happened. Its over. But I still can't help but wish her death every so often. I hate myself when I do that, but I do.
I regret calling Maya back and somehow end the conversation. I decided I've had enough for the day; before I could call my manager to tell him I'm taking rest of the day off, he called me to remind me that I have to fix this one bug before the end of business today. "It has to go in today Rishi; it's a customer issue ..."
It took me till 9 in the night to finally get it done and over with. I drove back to my apartment driving within speed limits without any music unlike my typical self.
Once at home I kept standing leaning on the door for a long time. I needed beer. I had not had any since she had me promise I'll never booze again. All the more reason I needed it...
But this is what too much beer does to me; bring her up before my eyes.
"If a picture is worth a thousand words, what would your eyes be worth?" she asks me. I look up to see a blurred image of her. I try to say something but I don't know how one does that, answer all her questions...
"You don't have to answer everything I ask", she says and giggles.
I wish there was a Ctrl+Z on my day somewhere...