I am standing upside down.
     It's disappointing, really, I thought the world would inverse and collapse, like a souffle I guess. It hasn't. Well, yet anyways.

     I imagine people fucking a lot. I think about women, and their days spent, and how they go home and let their boyfriends fuck them while they lay there and count the rotations of the ceiling fan. I assume this isn't normal, but I wish I could save them. But you can never save them all.

     I think I'm growing fangs.

     I take that back. What I said earlier, about the disappointments. I just wish my head would stop doing this to me. I wish I would stop doing this to myself.

     Remember when we were kids and we spun around like airplanes and got so dizzy we fell down on the blacktop, and we looked at the sky, and it didn't seem far away then?
     I thought I could touch you like I could touch the sun. But when I did, it made me blind and it made you sad.

     I played that cd in the car today. The one with the piano. Not that one, but the other one. And I remembered what you said about closing your eyes and seeing white instead of black. And how empty all that space would be. And how alone we are when we close our eyes anyways.

     Did you change your mind about whether we live or die alone? Because I haven't- just tell me what my answer was. I can't remember.

     They used to tell us to pretend we were trees. To keep stretching out our arms. Fucking palm trees, right? But we could only stretch ourselves so thin. What the fuck were they teaching us?


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