Robert Jones Burdette
It is a beautiful legend of the Norse land. Amilias was the village blacksmith, and under the spreading chestnut treekjn, his village smithophjken stood. He the hot iron gehammered and sjhod horses for fifty cents all round please. He made tin helmets for the gjodds, and stove pjipe trousers for the hjeroes.
Mimir was a rival blacksmith. He didn't go in very much for defensive armor, but he was lightning on two-edged Bjswords and cut-and-slash svjcutlassssses. He made chyjeese knives for the gjodds, and he made the great Bjsvsstnsen, an Arkansas toothpick that would make a free incision clear into the transverse semi-colon of a cast-iron Ichthyosaurus, and never turn its edge. That was the kind of a Bhjairpin Mimir said he was.
One day Amilias made an impenetrable suit of armor for a second-class gjodd, and put it on himself to test it, and boastfully inserted a card in the Svensska Norderbjravisk jkanaheldesplvtdenskgorodovusaken, saying that he was wearing a suit of home-made best chilled Norway merino underwear, that would nick the unnumbered saw teeth in the pot metal cutlery of the iron-mongery over the way. That, Amilias remarked to his friend Bjhonn Bjrobinssson, was the kind of a Bjducckk he was.
When Mimir spelled out the card next morning, he said, "Bjjj!" and went to work with a charcoal furnace, a cold anvil, and the new isomorphic process, and in a little while he came down-street with a sjword, that glittered like a dollar-store diamond, and met Amilias down by the new opera-house. Amilias buttoned on his new armor and said:
"If you have no hereafter use for your chyjeese kjnife, strike."
Mimir spat on his hands, whirled his skjword above his head and fetched Amilias a swipe that seemed to miss everything except the empty air, through which it softly whistled. Amilias smiled, and said "go on," adding that "it seemed to him he felt a general sense of cold iron somewhere in the nighborhood, but he hadn't been hit."
"Shake yourself," said Mimir.
Amilias shook himself, and immediately fell into halves, the most neatly divided man that ever went beside himself.
"That's where the boiler-maker was off in his diagnosis," said Mimir, as he went back to his shop to put up the price of cutlery 65 percent in all lines, with an unlimited advance on special orders.
Thus do we learn that a good action is never thrown away, and that kind words and patient love will overcome the harshest natures.