I made the fatal mistake of wearing some new clothes to my Mother's house.

Mum said "Oh, those are new, aren't they?"

There was a whole cryptonomicon's worth of information in those words, complimented by a whole self help manual of body and facial language. I shall endeavour to translate for those who weren't there:

  • "Well the colours are nice"
  • "But I would have chosen something different"
  • "So you've got money now?"
  • "Does this mean you'll be paying back some of the money you owe me?"
  • "Has this put you in debt?"
  • "I assume you'll be wanting me to bail you out at some point in the future?"
  • "Ah, You've got a girlfriend"
  • "When do I meet her?"
  • "Mmmm, GrandChildren"
  • "What will I wear to the Wedding?"
  • "If you bothered to buy new clothes, why didn't you shave and get a hair cut?"
  • "So army green is in then?"
  • "You do look a little like a college student"
  • "Does this mean you are going to University?"

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