Let me start by explaining the difference between awfully awesome and unwatchable science fiction movies. The former is, as the name implies, by no stretch of the imagination good; it does, however, have some redeeming qualities to it that make it entertaining and worth the time it takes to watch. The latter is, well, exactly what it says, so bad that it is simply unwatchable. These redeeming qualities of the awfully awesome are what we are here to discuss today; just in case you stumble upon the chance to make an awfully awesome science fiction movie.

So, without any further delay, our feature presentation:

Ten Key Components to Awfully Awesome Science Fiction Movies

  1. The Girl: Remember your audience. Science fiction movie fans are, more often that not, guys. An attractive girl can mean the difference between changing the channel or sticking around to see what is going on. Don’t fall into the trap of the dumb girl, though. Science fiction fans are nerds. Therefore, the sexy librarian character and look is going to get you the most mileage.

  2. The Guy: Luke Perry. Don't worry, he'll do it. Just buy him dinner or something.

  3. Originality: One word: “Don’t!Good science fiction is original; and unwatchable science fiction tries to be original, but falls flat. So just stay away from any original thought. Of course your story is going to be original in that it is your story, and not someone else's story. However, steal steal steal! There is no reason to do work that someone else has already done for you. Use plot devices and clichés from the best (or worst) in popular science fiction. This will come in useful with...

  4. Camp: Do not take yourself seriously! Do not let the characters take themselves seriously. Everything is a joke, everything is to be over exaggerated; from the reading of a poorly written line, to the fact that every plot twist seems reminiscent of our favorite science fiction movies. You're job is to let everybody know that you know that they know that this is bad. Hang a lantern on every glaring plot hole and clichéd twist.

  5. The Scientist / Nerd: This guy should always be in the background, handy with the exact information that is needed in any tight spot, or the ability to pull off some impossible task. However, don’t leave him two dimensional like that! This character is a goldmine for accidental comedy. Give him a gimmick, like loving Hot Pockets or [Cube|being autistic}.

  6. The Romance: Oh, thought you could get away without romance in a science fiction story? Think again buddy boy. A main staple, like vodka in Russia, of bad science fiction is the romance between previously introduced The Guy and The Girl. The important thing to remember, however, is not to actually build a relationship, that is wasted time and energy. Here is what you do: (a) have The Guy make a few suggestive comments at the beginning of the story, and (b) have The Guy and The Girl smile at each other during a couple of tense moments toward the climax. Prep work done! Then, at the end of the story just have them jump each other's bones. No explanation necessary.

  7. The Plot Gap: There will, obviously, come a point in your story – whether it be the basis of your story, or the crux – at which some unoverlookable plot gap will arise when some ridiculously impossible technology or a previously unknown condition of the situation will be used to save the day. Don't try to justify it or spout some techno-bable as if anybody is going to buy it. Remember: audience: Nerds! Point it out, then point it out again, then have your dumber characters notice it and then have The Nerd berate him for being so dumb as not understand the awesomeness of logical deduction and genius of synthesis of technology has just been employed before their very eyes!

  8. Impending Doom and/or Revolution: I don't know how you are going to build a story without one of these plot devices. That is to say, at least the SciFi Channel never could figure it out. This will, however, do two things for your story: (a) give The Guy and The Girl a reason to be so closely and suddenly thrown together, and (b) it will make your story not so boring as to actually put people to sleep before they switch over to the golf channel for their afternoon nap.

  9. The Old Guy Who Refuses to Change His Ways: This is the closest thing bad science fiction has to a villain. He will either need to cause the Impending Doom or be the evil overlord (or a lower minion there of) against which the revolution shall rise against. Oh, and he will obviously need to die some needlessly horrible death. Lava is a classic, or {Mummy|being devoured by thousands of tiny bugs].

  10. Bad Acting: Not every bad science fiction movie needs bad acting, but believe me, it will help. But don't just let your actors act badly. Tell them they are bad actors. Really get in their heads and make them believe it. Then make sure the director delivers just the right instructions so as to accentuate all of their shortcomings as human beings. It probably doesn't need saying again, but just awful writing can help even a good actor come off as an amateur.

If you can follow these ten easy rules, well... I'll watch your movie.

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