Steve Irwin
Asian Spitting Cobra ("Cob'ra")

Close up of a black snake slithering in a murky rice paddy with its hood flared up

Steve: (Reaching into the milky water, grabbing the snake and setting it to face him) This 'ere is the Asian Spitting C-

Asian Spitting Cobra: HSSSSFFFKT! (spits at Steve)

Steve: (Silent for a moment, face becoming solemn. Reaches into his shirt pocket and places a pair of dark sunglasses on his face) Unfortunately, the Asian Spitting Cob'ra is one of the few indigenous animals you're likely ta meet in the paddy.

Asian Spitting Cobra: HSSSSFFT!(again spits at Steve)

Steve: (Wiping his face, and pointing at his eyes) Stings a bit like acid!

Asian Spitting Cobra: HSSSSFFT! HSSSSFFFKT! HSSSST! HSSSSKT! (a barrage of aimed spitting ensues)

Steve: No problem at all Cob'ra back in the water you go. (Picks up the snake, which begins to defacate/urinate in his general direction). Ah, thinks I'm a predator does he? (Places snake back in the rice paddy)

The snake slithers off, a few moments of editing later, Steve is washing his face off in the same milky grey patch of rice field

Steve: I can't decide which is worse, the venom or the water. *

* Thanks BlueJayW

The End.

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