...but I smonk anyway, cuz it's just SO DAMN GOOD! I see them smonks out there ever' day, bein' all cute and furry and hot damn if I don't just get that smonkin' urge! It's an OBSESSION! If I don't smonk, I get all jittery, and end up messing myself in public. And that SUCKS!

This was a nodeshell. I filled it. Yay for me.
...and I even finished my writeup before wharfinger. Doubleplusyay for me.
This is a grim fact. Smonking causes not only cancer, but also bilateral infarctions of the anterior hemoglobin, and tennis elbow. Hemoglobin is hard to come by, foax, so don't squander yours on gratuitous and aimless smonking!

It's a statistical fact that most smonkers begin to smonk between the ages of three and six, and will often continue to smonk regularly far into their declining years. The social cost of this sick perversion is incalculable, so I haven't tried to calculate it, but trust me: It's a mess.

Every time you sit down to smonk, your brain shrinks by up to 10%, and then rebounds when the smonking process is complete. This causes great wear and tear on the skull, similar to the effect of a New England winter on the shattered and blasted roads of Massachusetts. The up side is that when you start to smonk, you can stick a pencil in your ear (eraser first, for God's sake), and then when you're done and your brain expands, the pencil will be shot forth with the velocity of a rifle bullet. This is a very cool trick at parties.

This is a typo I found in a delightful pro-smoking node by Tarquinious, Why Does Smoking Suck?. His conclusion is, roughly, that smoking doesn't suck -- it rules!

jes04 finished his writeup first, dammit! That's what I get for softlinking before I start to write . . .

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