Enter a darkened cabaret lit with tall iron candelabras. The room is decorated with cold marble gallery display columns; instead of artwork, the columns bear bowls of ice creams and gelattos that gleam seductively in the candle light.

Miss Piggy stands in the middle of the room in full Siouxsie Sioux dominatrix regalia: thigh-high stiletto-heeled patent leather boots, fishnets, corset, long black gloves. She also carries a silver bowl brimming over with an enormous, decadent, cherry-dotted sundae and a silver spoon. Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem are on a low stage behind her, all dressed in gothic black.

Kermit is tied spread-frogged to a St. Andrew's cross made of giant candy sticks.

Janice strikes a jangling sitar chord on her guitar. The Divine Miss P steps up to the microphone and begins to sing:

Shiny, shiny, shiny bowls of goodies
I eat my ice cream in the dark
Comes in cones, the scooper, always tip him
You'll find his shop out by the park.

Creamy cones with chocolate fancies
Stretch the costumes I shall wear
Cocoa smears adorn the ravenous
Kermey, Kermey, await me there

I am tired, I am hungry
I could eat for a thousand years
A thousand cones that could besate me
When treats are gone, fall my tears!

Taste the bowl of silky silky ice cream
Scrumptious goodies in the dark
Tongue is frozen, don't fear, the treat awaits you
Feed, dear mistress, and cure his heart

Kermey, Kermey, snacks so slightly
Kermey, down on your bended knee
Lick the spoon, in love not given lightly
Lick the spoon, Kermey, now eat for me!

Kermit gulps and gives the camera a scrunched expression of dismay. "Oh, boy ...." 


This parody of "Venus in Furs" is brought to you for the Silly Songs Quest.

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