I have a lot of practical problems/issues/things on my mind, but without having 40 grand, I'll write those off as money problems.
Nothing I can do about those until I earn some dough.

Recently, I've been feeling less enthusiastic about daylogs, mostly because they're day logs.. boring things that no one cares about.
They are also things that no one else gets to see in my life
Things that are not usually spoken
I really don't like exposing myself like this
But I do
I also usually delete these the following day, because these are mostly for me, and if people don't like them, they shouldn't see them.

I woke up a few days ago (at 5:30am), and seeing the early morning sunshine past the curtain made me think... "how does universe exist?"
I then spent 1.5 hours pondering useless crap like that... and in that semi awake state, when everything makes a little more sense, I got myself even more confused, yet again.
I'm down with physics, yo! But whatever entropic or contracting version of the universe I go with, it is still infinite (space time baby!) and boggles my mind.

My logical side - our multiverse is infinite and has always existed.. ok
My spiritual side - our multiverse just is.. ok
Me.. why, how, wtf? it makes no sense that universe exists, let alone that it always existed.
I feel that a lot of people have similar questions, but none are exactly like my questions. (I know what I'm thinking about, but I don't know what you're thinking about). YOU NEED MUSHROOMS FOR THIS SHIT (I haven't tried them)

I think gate does an amazing job of generalizing these kind of thoughts and making them relatable to everyone.
I, on the other hand is a mumbling peasant trying to make sense of seasons.

I've always felt that I was protecting people closest to me by not telling them about the black hole in my existence. (people who I did share this with told me otherwise)
The hole is not measurable by any single experience, it may not even be a hole at all, but just a dark side of myself that I haven't come to terms with.

I always thought that 'power' came from understanding yourself, and... I've been confused for a while.

This took me 2 hours to write, and it's getting late.

Good night fellow weirdos.

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