It was a dark and stormy night. I was thinking of eating sushi in my hometown, which closes its doors at 9pm and the time was well past that. What if I put on all of my black skirts, shirts, hats, gloves, stockings and shoes, tip-toed downtown, with a choice of three Japanese restaurants and two upscale grocery stores, each with a genuine sushi chef?
(Could I actually steal?) since I really can't afford to buy it and my husband is retired, living on a pension, what with the gas and grocery bills going up by the hour? It would be so easy, but I'm too honest and even if it were true, no one who knows me would ever believe it. I'm a Methodist, raised Roman Catholic, but my kids swear that I'm Jewish because I'm so overly-protective. All that GUILT would make me drop dead!
Drop dead as I lick my fingers after a dragon roll, draped excessively in ginger. Drop dead as I pop a wasabi-covered California roll made especially with brown rice. Drop dead as I slurp sesame seaweed. "A
tale of derring-do"? Hardly. A lifelong habit of kleptomania kept under control? Doubtful. I am definitely claustrophobic (who isn't?) but that only matters in elevators, subways, airplanes, cars, and underground
caves like they bring you on third grade class trips and no one else is sweating like crazy and sick-to-their-stomach at even the thought of being underground without the sky and the sunlight. Drop dead as if I were Lot's wife, turning her back to all that she left behind in the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah.
Or perhaps in my enthusiasm, I misunderstood the request. Okay, so it was a dark and stormy night and I was completely naked, dripping wet from a midnight swim in the forbidden lake. Legend has it that many a poor soul found their final resting place in that cool, murky, reservoir. By day, families with children and picnics would enjoy the natural beauty. Men and boys and Girl Scouts would happily rowboat or canoe. Some of them even tried fishing and caught sunnies. Busloads of city children would descend one day a week, shrieking at the new, cold, wet experience. Of course, they threw rocks and handfuls of trucked-in sand. The young lifeguards would try admonishing them, but it was no use.
(Expanded and reposted as per wertperch's request)